Sunday, March 29, 2026

No Worse for Wear


    By the time he was twelve, Oliver Brown had amassed an impressive collection of curios from around the world. His modest bedroom, one of three in a small Craftsman on Pike Street, was a virtual museum of strange and unusual objects, and its young proprietor was something of a local celebrity. Although Oliver occupied a lower rung on his middle school’s popularity scale, kids from around the neighborhood regularly visited just to confirm the rumors with their own eyes. The eastern wall was lined with a series of shelves displaying zoological specimens from around the globe; each morning’s sunrise illuminated multi-colored feathers, intricately patterned seashells, a variety of horns and antlers—even an emperor scorpion preserved in amber. Opposite this were two wooden cabinets, their shelves teeming with meticulously arranged scrimshaw and arrowheads, tiki dolls and talismans, ceremonial articles of voodoo—

    “What a load of crap,” said Suzie, Oliver’s older sister. A high school junior with little patience for her brother’s obsessions, Suzie now stood in the middle of his bedroom, a mini-witch in long black robes and pointy hat.

    “Can you stand there tomorrow from about 3 – 5 pm?” he asked snidely. “A couple kids from school are coming over, and you really tie the room together.”

    “Funny,” she smirked, opening a curio cabinet. “I just need one last accessory, and then my costume will be complete.” She plucked from the menagerie a small white stone carved in the shape of a human face.  

    Oliver jumped out of his chair and carefully but firmly removed the stone from her hand. “This is not an accessory. It’s an amulet.”

    “But this would look perfect pinned to my hat! Don’t you want me to be the cutest, wickedest girl at the party tonight?”

    “Wish I could help you,” he said, returning the item to the shelf, “but this piece holds tremendous power, and I can’t allow it to leave this room.”

    “Oh, I get it. The house is actually built on an ancient Indian burial ground, and as soon as I arrive at the party with your amulet, its tremendous power will summon the dead to rise and start terrorizing all of us unsuspecting teens….”

    Oliver shook his head disappointedly. “Your ignorance is astounding, but ironically, not far from the truth. This piece was once used by the Asaro Mudmen of Papua New Guinea in their creation rituals. And yes, in the right hands, it can raise the dead.” 

    Suzie burst into mocking laughter. “Do you realize how completely insane you sound right now?” Groaning, she raised her arms Frankenstein style and hobbled toward him.

    As if on cue, a car horn began to honk repeatedly outside their house. Suzie dashed to the window. “They’re here!” She spun around to her brother. “Last chance to come to the party and escape your pathetic, isolated existence. Come on, Oliver, it’s Halloween!”

    “No offense,” he said, “but your friends are obnoxious. And Elvira is on tonight.”

    “Suit yourself, but don’t come crying to me in thirty years when you’re sitting in front of the TV watching the game, and your wife is hosting a Tupperware party in the kitchen, and you’re sipping your can of beer and wondering where your life went.”

    “Did someone say ‘Tupperware party?’” Tall, lean and blonde, Gloria now appeared like a sunflower that had suddenly sprouted in the doorway. As a single suburban mother, she labored intensely to project effortless grace as she ran the travel agency, maintained the home, shuttled the kids to karate and soccer. In truth, she was anxious, fatigued, and deathly afraid of the world into which she’d brought her children. Crack. AIDS. The impending threat of nuclear annihilation. It took a handful of amitriptyline just to pull her through the day.

    “Gotta go,” Suzy said, shuffling past her mother.

    “Please, honey, be home by eleven. Make sure that boy doesn’t drive too fast. And no drinking!” Gloria could hear her daughter’s voice trailing off, telling her not to worry, as she stared fixedly at a painting on Oliver’s wall—a smiling skeleton in a top hat and dark glasses.

    “Baron Samedi, the Haitian lwa of the dead,” said Oliver.

    “Repulsive,” she grimaced, unable to divert her gaze. She could hear the front door closing, voices outside, an engine revving. “Why do you have all these horrible things in here?”

    “I find it interesting,” he replied, unfazed. It was a question he’d answered a hundred times before. “There’s so much out there that we don’t know.”

    “And there’s a reason we don’t know it.” Her voice grew shrill. “It’s violent and, and….” She struggled to find the right word. “Primitive!” 

    Oliver shrugged.

    Gloria took a deep breath and centered herself, as she’d learned from her new yoga videotape. “I’m going to make popcorn and watch President Reagan’s address about the Iran-Contra Affair. These bitter democrats have tried so hard to drag him down. But he’s a strong leader. I don’t believe for a second that he meant to trade weapons for hostages with those thugs in Iran. As for North and Poindexter, well, that’s another story. How about you come inside and we’ll watch together.”

    “No, thanks,” he said.

    “Come on. We never spend time together as a family anymore.”

    “I would, really, but Elvira is on tonight.”

    “Elvira,” she sighed. “Another crazy.”

***

    Were she an automobile enthusiast, Suzie would have been excited to hop into the Chevy Camaro that now sat growling before her house. Glimmering in streetlight, it drew crowds of trick-or-treaters, all of whom paused their quest for candy to admire its metallic blue majesty. Suzie, however, was indifferent. Instead, her focus remained on tonight’s party and whether Brett Jennings, co-captain of the wrestling team and currrent object of infatuation, would be in attendance. She straightened her pointy witch’s hat.

    “You probably didn’t notice,” the driver informed Raggedy Ann in the passenger seat, “but the brake light is mounted in the rear spoiler. Serious design change for the ‘87 model.”  

    “You’re right. I didn’t notice.” Raggedy Ann, whose name was Emily, turned to Suzie and rolled her eyes (the red yarn wig and painted on eyelashes exaggerated the gesture). “This goddamn car is all he talks about.”

    “It’s really nice!” Suzie said.

    “IROC-Z.” The driver winked in the rearview.   

    “You look so cute!” said Emily.

    “Aww, thanks!” Suzie gushed. “You, too!”

    Having been introduced by a classmate, the girls’ friendship was in its early stages. This was their first night out together.

    “This is my boyfriend, Kenny. I’m telling everyone I meet tonight how lame he is because he refused to wear a costume.”

    The driver once more winked in the rearview, his signature move. At eighteen, in his dream car, a beautiful girl beside him, Kenny would be hard pressed to name anything closer to perfection. Yet as Emily now leaned in to kiss him, red yarn softly brushing his cheek, a flash bulb burst, and he recalled an old Kodachrome of his parents as high school sweethearts. They were leaning against Dad’s graduation gift, a ’66 Mustang. The cobalt blue coat, pristine as it was, paled before the loving gleam in the young couple’s eyes. They’d be married the following year, and shortly after the honeymoon his father would volunteer to stop the spread of communism in Vietnam. Kenny would never meet him. Vexed, he now slipped Dad’s green flask out from under his seat and took a nip of vodka. He then thrust the Camaro into the raw autumn night, far from the jungle, far from his parents’ haunting eyes.

***

    They drove and drove, windows open, music blasting. Suzie grew impatient and began to wish she’d asked where the party was being held. Too late now, she thought. She didn’t want to be a nuisance, especially since this was her first night out with Emily. The clammy October air slapped her face, and she clutched her witch’s hat to keep it from flying away. They eventually pulled up to a shabby house slumped on a dead end street. There were no Halloween decorations or trick-or-treaters in sight. The house was dark, and Suzie noticed that only one other vehicle—an old Isuzu pickup—was parked out front. Kenny turned off the ignition and took another nip from his flask.

    The wiry fellow that answered the front door appeared considerably older than the trio. He wore a green t-shirt displaying a winged skull in a green beret. The shirt read “Kill ‘em All, Let God Sort ‘em Out.” Kenny introduced the man as William, a co-worker from the bait and tackle shop. Staring at Suzie, William lingered nervously in the doorway, rocking on the balls of his feet and smoothing his bushy brown hair. “I got beer,” he said finally, as if snapping out of a trance. He stepped aside and his guests filed past him into the house. 

    They listened to the radio. Kenny and Emily snuggled on the couch, and Suzie sat across from them in a wicker chair. They all drank except for Suzie, who hated the bitter taste of beer. After four cans, William loosened up a bit and ventured to tell a story:

    “So it’s a rainy night, and I’m about to close up shop, and this guy comes in wearing a boonie hat, combat boots and a green field jacket. Little guy. Very tense.” He spoke directly to Suzie, who avoided eye contact. “He’s lingering, looking at knives, lures, different things. I’m ready to go home, so I say ‘Can I help you?’ He picks up a big spool of rope and asks, ‘How much of this you got?’ I go, ‘How much you need?’ and he says, ‘Enough to capture a bigfoot—”

    Emily stood. “I’m sorry, but this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

    “It’s a true story,” he added as she walked off, Kenny trailing close behind.

    Slumped in the wicker chair, witch’s hat in hand, Suzie sighed. “Anyone else coming?”

    “I called a lot of people,” William replied lamely. “Maybe there’s another party.”

    "Where’d Emily go?” she asked, looking over her shoulder.

    William remained silent, although he knew she and Kenny were now in his bedroom.

    He downed another beer, walked over to the radio, flipped through the stations. “I love this song!” he cried out, raising the volume. His back to Suzie, he rocked on the balls of his feet in time with the ballad. When he spun around, he was holding an imaginary microphone. “I just died in your arms tonight / It must have been something you said / I just died in your arms tonight.” Lip synching, he shuffled toward her.

    Annoyed and embarrassed, Suzie leaped up, pushed him away and headed for the door.

    “Where you going?” he asked over the music.

    “Home!” she yelled. “I’m going home!”

***

    With little sense of time or direction, Suzie found herself on a gloomy road that snaked along the outskirts of a forest. She passed weathered signs that read “Blue Trail” and “White Trail,” and she vaguely recalled visiting here on a camping trip years ago with the Girl Scouts. Streetlights brightened the road every quarter mile, but between them stretched long swathes of darkness, and she quickened her steps to reach each new island of light. “Find a payphone, call Mom,” the young witch muttered, keeping a brisk pace. “Find a payphone, call Mom.”  

    She began to hear unsettling sounds—rustling in the fallen leaves, scampering beyond the rhododendrons. “Anything could jump out from behind these trees,” she said, and was reminded of a story she’d read in English class during her freshman year. She’d struggled with the language, but something about the tale made a lasting impression. A young man in nineteenth century New England leaves his wife, Faith, to secretly meet the devil in the woods. As they walk and talk, he is fraught with doubt, but the thought of his wife keeps him strong. In the end, he is shocked to find all the respectable townsfolk at the congregation, dancing around hellfire. And there, standing before the altar, is his own wife, Faith. Like the young man himself, she is one of the devil’s new initiates.   

    Glancing at her black robes, Suzie now imagined herself a witch rushing to the congregation. She could see the shadows of the dancers around the fire and hear their fervid cries echoing throughout the forest. Everything then was bright and clear, and although there was no streetlight, she could see a payphone up ahead. Ecstatic, she began to run, unaware that the scene before her was illuminated by the headlights of Kenny’s Chevy Camaro. It was approaching from behind at an impressive 88 mph.

***

Suzanne Lynn Brown

October 3, 1970 – October 31, 1987

***

    Though exhausted, Gloria felt a great sense of relief. She’d taken the entire week off from work to prepare for this day. Now, as the setting sun bathed her kitchen in golden light, and the rich scents of Thanksgiving drifted through the home, she felt that her vision was nearly realized. The dining room table was set with the family silver, and warming on the counter were stuffing and sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, roasted Brussels sprouts, and—Suzie’s  favorite—pumpkin pie. The turkey would be out of the oven within the hour. There was nothing left to do now but wait.

    She prepared two small plates with crackers and cheese and brought them to Oliver’s room. He was speaking as she entered:

    “The Asaro Mudmen are from Papua New Guinea, and their various creation tales all stem back to the Asaro River. In one such tale, the members of the tribe wanted to cover their faces in mud as part of a ceremony to ward off evil spirits, but they believed the mud from the river was poisonous, so they crafted special masks instead. The amulet is a miniature version of these masks. As you know, it holds tremendous power.”

    Sitting on Oliver’s bed, still wearing the pink dress in which she’d been buried, was his sister, Suzie. She listened attentively, nodding blankly from time to time, as Oliver lectured. Though terribly pale and streaked with mud, the young girl was no worse for wear. On Suzie’s head was her witch’s hat, and pinned to it, as requested, was the amulet of the Asaro Mudmen. Reaching up, she touched the stone, and her soft coral lips formed the faintest smile.




* This story first appeared in Ghostwatch


Friday, March 27, 2026

Old Man Pissing Against the Wall


His body is all angles. The left hip points west, where his daughter has moved to start a family. The right hip points south, toward his son in a Florida prison. The pelvis juts forward from chasing women all his life. The old man's head hangs slightly as he pisses against the wall. Watching his urine flow down to the sidewalk and into the street, he is relieved. The doctor has informed him that his head is still screwed on securely. It requires some minor adjustments but is in no danger of falling off.

Saturday, March 21, 2026

Role Model

“This is the wrong formula,” says my mother, her nine-month belly bowling out in front of her. “This is the wrong damn formula.”

“You sure?” I say. 

“I told you ten times get the green box, for newborns. See what color this is? It’s purple. I can’t use this. You know Sean, sometimes I can’t believe how stupid you are.”

“It’s no big deal,” I say, “I’ll take it back.”

“Well hurry up. It’s almost eight, they’re gonna close.”

“What?! Oh no, not tonight. I just walked ten blocks with that thing—it’s heavy! I’ll do it tomorrow.”

“No Sean, you’re gonna do it tonight. I’m goin’ to the hospital any day now and everything’s gotta be ready when I get back.”

“Aw, come on! One day ain’t gonna make a difference!”

“You do what I tell you!”

“Aw, shit!”

That’s when mom’s boyfriend comes marching into the kitchen. He’s a squat, swarthy guy, a contractor. Jimmy is his name. It’s his baby she got there in her belly. Jimmy’s a Greek, right off the boat, I hardly understand a word he says. He’s not too fond of me though. That I understand perfectly.

“What happen?” Jimmy is already giving me the eye.

“Genius bought the wrong formula and now he won’t bring it back.”

“Bring it back!” grunts Jimmy. 

“Tomorrow,” I say.

The veins jump out of his forehead. His meaty, paint-flecked hands clench into fists. “YOU BRING IT BACK NOW!”

“You can’t tell me what to do—”

Mom senses what’s coming next and throws herself in front of him. Once again, it’s just her and that big belly standing between me and a whole world of hurt. For some reason, ever since he knocked mom up, Jimmy’s had it in for me. I know he’s dying to throw me that first good beating, just to show me who’s the man of the house. Oh well, not tonight Jimmy boy! I grin, turn around, head on out. Boom! I slam the door hard behind me.

Chan has a burger and some onions on the grill, and the whole candy store is smokey and sweet-smelling. Sitting at the counter, a Con-Ed guy reads a newspaper and waits for his meal. My mouth waters as I walk to the back. None of my boys are around, just some little kid spinning the wheel on the racecar game. He’s too short to even see the screen. Then I notice there’s a credit in the machine. I push the kid aside, pretend to drop in a coin, play his credit. I’m crashing every three seconds, I stink. He would’ve given the quarter better mileage.  

A boney hand rests on my shoulder. “Well, well, look who it is.”  

I recognize the nasal voice; it’s Shari, from school. 

“What’s up,” I mutter, still staring at the screen.

“I haven’t seen you in a while,” she says. “Where you been hidin’?”

My little yellow racecar trails far behind as it nears the final lap. “I’m around,” I say nonchalantly.

“You still with Connie?”

I crash, spin, start racing in the wrong direction. “We broke up.”

“Aaww, that’s too bad!” she says half-mockingly. “You two were so cute together!” 

“Yeah,” I say. 

The game ends.  

Then the boy whines, “You owe me a quarter!” 

“Pickin’ on little kids again?” goes Shari. “You big bully!” 

I glance over at her: skinny, bucktoothed, lusty-eyed, her long pale painted grill sucking on a Marlboro. “I don’t know what he’s talkin’ about,” I say.  

The kid leaves and comes back with Mr. Chan. Old man Chan, he doesn’t particularly care for me and my boys. Especially since the time Dominick dropped his pants and did a little dance on the counter for Mrs. Chan. She chased him out of there with a broom that afternoon. The rest of us were laughing so hard, she turned around and started swinging on us too. I caught a sharp one, kung-fu style, right between the shoulder blades. I was cracking up and at the same time yelling that I was going to sue. “You boys are no good!” she kept screaming as we hauled ass out of there. “You are bad, bad boys!” But no matter what happens, Chan and his wife always lets us back in their store. They may not like us, but they love our money.

“Give his quarter back,” says Chan.

“But I don’t have it.”

“Yes, you played my game,” goes the kid. 

I try to look baffled.

“OK, go home now,” Chan tells me, “time for you to go home.”

Me and Shari exit the store as Chan begrudgingly hands the kid another quarter.  

“You haven’t been in school,” she says as we walk.

“So what,” I reply.

“So, you’re not gonna graduate.”

“Sure I will. You really think they want me there another year?”

“I really don’t think they give a shit.”

“All I have to do is write a paper on the crusaders. Then I’m outta there. Genovese told me.”

“Where you goin’ to high school?”

“Probably F.D.R. You?”

“Lincoln,” she says. “There’s a lotta cute boys in Lincoln.”

The apartment is small and dark and smells like an ashtray. We pass through the livingroom and a wedge of light falls through the curtains. I glimpse a cat gliding across the carpet. There are framed photos on the walls and the TV but I can’t make out the subjects. All is quiet but for the steady ticking of an unseen clock. I try to walk stealthily, even though she’s already told me nobody is home.

She takes my hand, leads me into the bedroom and flicks on the light. There is a bunkbed and an old wooden desk with names scratched into its surface. Shari + ? 4ever, it says. With a sigh she plops down onto the bottom bunk. I lean up against the steel-barred window. Outside is faded red brick and gray courtyard. Four stories down a chained-up mutt barks for food.  

“Why don’t you sit with me?” she says.  

I do. 

“Don’t be nervous. My mom won’t be home till the morning. She’s a cop.”

I’m not sure how to respond to that, so I don’t. Then she suddenly starts to tickle me. Or rather tries to tickle me. Her boney fingers feel like chopsticks prodding between my ribs. I restrain her by the wrists. She closes her eyes and leans toward me, expectant.

“Can I use your bathroom?” I ask.

“Sure,” she says, a little baffled. “Down the hall.”

I go into the bathroom, find the light, turn it on. There are pink and black tiles on the walls and the floors. The shower curtain, the small rug and the toilet seat are also pink. On the window ledge, along with some bottles of shampoo, is a small plastic duck. The duck is not pink. I pick it up, stare at it for a bit, stuff it in my pocket. Then I flush the toilet, turn off the light and return to the bedroom.    

Shari is still on the bed. I sit down next to her.

“I always liked you,” she says. “Even when you were with Connie.”

The name stings. Casually I say, “Oh yeah?”  

“I wanna be your mommy,” she whispers, “I wanna take care of you.”

We start kissing. Shari’s tongue shoots around my mouth like a garden hose gone haywire. We don’t waste any time. Our shirts come off and I fumble with her bra. She’s helping me along when the phone begins to ring. Soon we’re both naked and I’m poised over her. Shari’s eyes are closed and her mouth slightly opened, the big buck-teeth peeking out. She waits for me to take the big plunge into her. The phone rings and rings. I climb off and get dressed. Shari stares blankly at me. I leave her there, skinny and naked in the cold light of her room.


When I get home there’s a note on the kitchen table: 


Taken mother to hopspitil. Water broked.

                                 

First thing, I fix myself a screwdriver. I make a mental mark on the Beefeater label and then replace the missing vodka with water. I sit down at the table and sip it slowly, wincing as I stare at the box of baby formula I brought home earlier. Then I get up and head into my mother’s bedroom. 

For kicks I start going through her dresser drawers. I find the bowie knife she confiscated from me last year. I pull the knife out of its tan leather sheath and inspect the blade before slipping it in my back pocket. Then I stumble upon mom’s diaphragm. I pick up the box, read the instructions, and carefully replace it in the drawer. I don’t feel like snooping anymore.  

I lie down on the king-size bed and flip on the TV. The Honeymooners is on. I prop myself up on the pillows and try to get comfortable. Once again, Ralph Cramden is pissed at his wife. He yells and yells, his eyes bugging out of his head. To the moon, Alice! She is unphased. 

Then, as I’m laughing, it hits me—I’m a big brother now. 

Alice calmly says something that reveals Ralph has been an idiot all along. They kiss and make up. 

Big brother.... 

The episode ends. That old familiar music kicks in.

Ralph’s big face lights up the moon. The credits appear. 

I take the little duck out of my pocket and place it on top of the TV. 





Love Affair


The woman at the counter 
has given up 
on marriage
motherhood
yoga classes
Sunday picnics.
She's done dreaming 
of European vacations.
She's tired.
She wants her money back.

Prosthetic heart
Prosthetic mind
She gave her finest years 
to the cause.
Attended schools and churches  
baked cupcakes
clipped coupons
—a love affair duller 
than your favorite sitcom. 
And yes, her lawn was once quite green.

Now she frets 
over interest rates
cholesterol
the shooter at the mall.
What's the point of looking back?
Giver her the body count.
Flash their smiling faces
across the screen.

The woman slides a bowl 
of French onion soup
across the counter  
and issues a dire warning: 
"Careful, honey. It's hot!"




Wednesday, March 18, 2026

The Hero of Hempstead

Mark was mad because he was from Hempstead 
and all his city friends called him a pussy 

He bought a bayonet at the Army Navy
strapped it to his leg
flashed his Spanish teacher 
and got suspended for a week

Later, he hurled half a forty 
through the church window 
and nailed a priest on the head 

He went inside and pissed the pews
as Father rubbed his bloody skull

A crying boy then fled the confessional 
—Hempstead erupted in controversy        

Mark was hailed as a hero 
Reporters interviewed him 
Talk shows extended invites 
Beauties graced his lunch table 

Last Thanksgiving
he and a cheerleader 
borrowed Mom's Volvo
to catch a midnight showing     

They were never seen again

Mark's city friends still call him a pussy
Some people are never satisfied 

Sunday, March 15, 2026

Who Cares


My church got bombed
My house burned down 
My Mustang was stolen
My photos are gone
I lost my '68 Strat
I lost my Warhol prints
I lost my Winnie the Pooh
I was bullied as a child
I was neglected as a child
I was abused as a child
I never was a child

Who cares

I lost my partnership
I wrecked the van
I've OD'd fourteen times
My wife left me
My children hate me
My cholesterol is high
I've lost faith in God
I regret my decisions
The dogs keep barking
The drones keep buzzing
I can't feel my hands

Who cares

I don't like my voice
I don't like my face
I don't like my image
Someone pushed me
Someone mocked me
Someone belittled me
The cashier ripped me off
The lawyers ripped me off
The government lied 
My cousin is in jail 
I'm hearing voices 

Irrelevant

I'm anxious
I'm feverish 
I'm jaundiced
My liver hurts
My kidneys hurt
They're following me
They're slandering me
They're controlling me
They've poisoned my food
They've stolen my identity
They're plotting my downfall

Who cares, man
Who fucking cares



Saturday, March 14, 2026

What's Your Agenda

Heard that man speaking 
Didn't like what he said 
Saw that woman waving her flag 
She really hurt my feelings
Why are they trying to steal my rights?
I wrote a manifesto but threw it away 
Couldn't say what I really feel
I'm like an ancient warrior
Fighting for what's right 
I follow my forefathers
Blood
Purity
Discipline
That man said things I find insulting 
He's talking to kids, for God's sake 
Influencing the next generation
It's just not right
I started working out 
Eating better 
Staying hydrated 
(Why did I always try to hide?)
That protest made me angry
Snowflakes insulting my country
We didn't invade Iraq for nothing
Our good soldiers didn't die in vain
Back to the manifesto 
So much clearer now
The Search for Truth
Light Through Darkness
Good Things, Right Things
It's always been so simple!
That worm and his false words 
That rat and her rotten flag
Empty smiles 
False agendas
Profiteers
And our kids listen to them
Why do people love liars? 
There must be consequences
For their words
Their lies
Their influence
My forefathers have spoken
I am the Protector of Truth
Righteousness
Purity 
I am the Light and the Fire
You are the ashes of deceit
The manifesto is finished
The training is complete
My mind pure
My body clean
Discipline
Discipline
It shall be done